I just went through a few months of incredible stress at work that left me feeling exhausted and insecure. But lately I’ve been having trouble enjoying this aspect of our relationship. I felt, and feel, grateful to have found a partner whose sexuality is seemingly so compatible with mine and with whom I can be open about the many manifestations of my desire.
For context, this is something we’ve discussed on a nearly daily basis. We’ve each also been open with each other about watching porn (and have even watched it together), and I know he particularly likes watching cam shows. This generally turned into something exciting that stimulated our own intimacy. In the past, particularly at the beginning of our relationship, I found it thrilling when he described his desire for, say, a particularly sexy waitress. Part of what makes our sex life so great is that we’re open with one another about our attractions not only to each other, but to other people. We’ve been together for about a year and have a great sexual connection. I am a queer woman in my early 30s who is in a relationship with a straight man. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. We dove into the How to Do It archives to share a selection of classic letters with our readers.
Our advice columnists have heard it all over the years.
